June 14^th 2003

Dear Jezebel

This is an open letter to you personally.

You are Nat’s mother, and I his father.

I write to you putting aside all our own personal and financial issues in order to satisfy Nat’s need of both parents equally. This letter is to discuss what is best for Nat.

I don’t want us to fight and hurt each other, especially about Nat.

I am willing to agree to any form of trial period in order to assess how he will react to me and how he is with me although I know you have seen me with Nat and you know deep down there are no problems at all.

Please tell me where we go after a successful conclusion to the trial period?

If Nat wants to see me what do you propose about how when and for how long will I see and have him so that his relationship with me is meaningful for him?

It is not fair on me as Nat’s father not to know where this will lead?

It is emotional blackmail pure and simple.

My deep sadness for Nat goes without saying. I know you know how he feels without a father and how he will continue to feel much worse, needlessly, as he gets older. Is this what you want? The 24 supervised hours out of 744 hours in a month you offer will give Nat a near zero respite from those feelings of unwantedness, lack of confidence etc etc etc. Only your braveness can correct this. Will he have a future knowing his father with the limited access you offer? It is up to you not to repeat the problems you endured, in Nicholas, which are inevitable as things are now.

You made the point that you wanted to get on with your life, and I must too, because you want that.

Let’s make an effort. Only we can settle this, solicitors will not. You and I want both to educate Nat well, as best we can.

Solicitor based negotiation is costly and unproductive as their skills are not in negotiating but only in lining their pockets. I know you are aware of the costs we could continue both to run up.

If just you and me want to go to the Mediation Service then I am happy to agree.

What is the downside of giving this a try?

Currently I have wasted 10 terms worth of Nat’s private education fees and the only other next option in residence proceedings of Nat would mean you (and in turn Nicholas) would lose too financially as you will not be legally aided for that.

You must surely realise that there is little benefit for Nat in any of these options and only solicitors will benefit in the time it takes us to have a reality check. I certainly cannot continue this way because if you will still expect me after this continued fight, to offer towards his education I know now that I will not be able, pure and simple.

I do not know what else to say to you any more.

It is up to you as you have him.

Nat’s future is tied up in your real actions now and over the next 21 years.

Chaim